Chapter 3: The Kacchi Dabeli

Remember Shahrukh had once said, ‘Kisi cheez ko pure dil se chaho, toh pure kayanat tumhe use milane mein joot jati hai’ which means, ‘If you like something from the bottom of the heart, then the whole universe will plot for you to get that thing to you.’ I believe that this is not actually true, sometimes you think about something and the universe is bringing you a complete different object, and the worst part is… the object hits you so hard that by the time you adjust with the realization you have to rub the painful, red sore face.


“Oh c’mon not again,” I exclaimed for like a thousand times now, you see Ketan has his way of looking at life. Not only does he live in his crooked sense of life, he has the tendency of explaining it to me.

It was a great Sunday evening and we were riding a bus to the Deccan Gymkhana to eat luscious Cheese Kacchi Dabeli, “Go green is not an evil plan by Martians to take over the planet.”
“Oh course it is, how can you not see it? its uncanny” Ketan became with the air of confidence, “Doesn’t go green sound a war cry for little green men from mars? and I am pretty sure the girls crowd is also involved in this plan, I just need to prove it.”
Yes, he hates girls.
“I do not hate girls, ok,” exclaimed Ketan, “But what else explanation is there? look at her.” he pointed to the ugly girl who just entered in the bus.
“See her, she is the atom bomb, a girl who will expect you to give her a seat. She walks in near us and you have to get out of the throne, the seat, for which you stood in line for five minutes!! Don’t you think? Its invasion dude, they are with the aliens, they are here… oh my she is here.”
“Well, you need not give her a seat, bro, but you cannot see a girl standing, can you?” I tried to explain.
“Man, no one can see a girl, so decency says I should offer her my seat. Well, you know what,” Ketan said, “I do agree with you. I cannot see her standing…”
Now for past many years with Ketan, I have learnt one thing, I should let him finish. But even I was surprised at his change of heart… no wait…
“…I cannot see her standing…” saying Ketan closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.
Always let him finish. Always.
Well, I am not a chivalrous Mr.. Charming with a white horse, but decency does dictate I offer the girl a seat, even if the girl was not under normal classification of ugly, she scored lower score. But primarily I cannot miss the look on Ketan’s face when he sees her sitting next to her. Its fun to see him freak, so I offer her a seat and stand to watch the show.
“You know technically,” he continued without opening the eyes, “Girls are nice, girls are sexy, girls are…”
This is a family blog and I do not wish to indulge on what he said in the bus, so lets skip fifteen minutes later, yes he kept talking without opening his eyes. He usually does that, like the saint who keeps on blabbering without bother if people are listening or no.
So fifteen minutes later, the girls face was in a disgust and I am not a face reader, but I think her expression said either I have tasted vomit, or this man should rot in hell and I will ensure that. Ketan opening his eyes and turned, “Understood?” he froze, glanced at her… “eeeks…” I could not exactly figure who screamed the  most the girl or Ketan, but was the first of many screams he had, for the girl slapped him hard after which two girls who were standing thought he was teasing her so they slapped him hard and then the conductor threw him out of the bus near Bal Gandharva, some ten minutes away from our destination…
I was trying hard to suppress my laughter when the girl looked at me, “He was with him…”
“Ok now. Calm down. I am not responsible…” I tried to argue but when all the heads turned around, I decided it is time get down unless I get some shock treatment for the sins I never committed… oh well, almost not committed.
“Seriously?” Ketan was looking at me with his hands on his hips, now I was pretty sure he was pissed with me, even I regretted… letting that poor girl sit next to this gross monster, “Didn’t I tell you, this is an invasion… think about it. Getting thrown out of a bus driven by a man, in the mans world due to a woman…”
Now, the whole point of our journey was to eat cheese-dabeli but instead we got thrown out of the bus and had to take the tiring JM road to reach there…but as you know sometimes the thing that you have in your mind is never the thing that you actually get…
And so trying to avoid from the horrible and gross theory and series of his lecture I took the next step towards my destination… when I bumped into a obstacle, a pretty obstacle at that, she was beautiful, like an angel and the moment I saw her, my whole body stiffened, my brain froze, every part of the universe was planning for the moment,
It was the universe who gave her the craving for coffee, it was the universe who made her run for the bus with the coffee in her hand and finally it was the evil genius plan of the universe that made the hot, liquid charge all its way down to my family jewel…and I shouted… shouted like hell…
and the universe laughed.