Thursday, December 31, 2009

Chapter 4: If you can’t fight them, don’t poke them.

At the beginning of the universe, God was happy, He created all the excellent things like rivers, mountains, trees and then he created man. While admiring the creation he realized that everything is normal and he said, 'What the hell!' and put pain in the box.

That is a true story on how pain spread in the world. At least I think it is true, at least at the moment when the critical agony is spreading through the body, I can believe in anything.

So the pain started and it started from the hot cup of coffee, when very precisely aimed for the bull's-eye near my epicenter of manhood. There I was standing in the middle of the street clenching my teeth to numb down the pain and also controlling to resist the thoughts of killing the reason for it, when she said very sweetly...

'Sowee about that,' she said, her lips moved gracefully and they did not collide with each other, probably to prevent the lipstick from smearing, 'I was in a hurry.'

Now I was in no condition to talk, first the coffee was burning hot, second it was now resting in such a position that I could not even rub it off in public.
'Hear, have a tissue,' she offered me one. Which was also a smack on my face.
'That looks bad,' said Ketan, without even looking at me. He was staring at the girl standing.

enews_party_hatAfter a few moments when the Castle Grayskull send me secret power through unknown channels, I mumbled, 'It's ok.' Hell its not ok.
But universe had planned something else, this meeting was going to change my life... only thing I did not know it would then. As it happens in a Hindi Film, this is a perfect way to meet a heroine of the story, if all goes well we will be dancing around the trees, and I need was...only thing is this is not a Hindi film.

'Are you sure?' she asked, 'it looks bad.'
'Hell it does,' Ketan said, I was sure he was not talking about me.

'That was excellent,' a male voice boomed from behind, 'See, I told you Priyanka, pretty girls don't get trashed for doing any thing.'
I looked up to see a twenty something slim boy standing there smiling. He had the gelled dark hair, a perfect smile and wore a branded shirt and trousers. He was the brand shop, branded watch, branded goggles and branded gel.

'Oh sorry man,' he said, 'I am Sunny. you are a part of a little social experiment, as I was explaining my friend Priyanka that pretty girls can get away with anything.'
I looked at him hard, unable to vent my feelings, 'Excuse me.'
'Ok, my bad. Sorry, we just thought you are a nice soft target and...' Sunny froze and my hand rose in the air.
'You know buddy,' I spoke, 'Pretty girls can get away with anything...but guess what...,' I slapped him hard on his face to compensate for my pain, 'You aren't a pretty girl.'
For a moment he shook completely.
Priyanka smiled, 'Totally worth it,' and left the scene.
The incident was cooled down by the prospect of Kacchi Dabeli. What kind of sick pathetic moron puts bets in the middle of the street? Is he some kind of small kid who is playing it?
‘That was awesome, bro,’ Ketan said.
‘Really? what was so awesome about this?’ I asked totally irritated.
‘Didn’t you see her?’ asked Ketan, ‘She was pretty.’
‘Yeah, pretty huh?’ I asked annoyed, ‘What about alien invasion?’
‘Gee..Rahul, what a silly thing to say,’ he said looking at me.

Now there are few people you meet, some people you do not meet. Some people you meet and wish you never meet them again and then there are some people you meet, and wish you never meet them again and yet you meet them again and again and again.

That evening I was planning on doing nothing for new year, maybe crash on the sofa watch television, listen to one of the thousand theories of Ketan and welcome the year 2010 with sleep.
Now Tania was always the social freak, who needed people around her so it was like a known thing that she will be hosted a private party at her house. Obviously I was not invited, but as a elder brother… ‘You are not my elder brother, moron,’ Tania said, ‘We are twins’…I am elder by six minutes, and Ketan was never invited to a party (no one in his right mind would invite him)
So obviously I was surprised to receive that call and a even more polite word from Tania, ‘Hey bro, how are you.’
Now my parents knew very little about her so, they named her Tania, but you know me and God knew better, so her actual name was Shaitania. A golden rule goes that, when she asks how are you means that she is going to come and rip you off until you answer ‘not good.’
‘I am good,’ I replied. Apparently.
‘Oh good, got any new years today?’ she asked without waiting for a answer continued, ‘Why don’t you come over for my party?’
These got code red firing along. I could see red flags all around me. My sister invited me to her new year party? Of all the responses of accepting an invitation to the party all I could think was, ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, my dear bro, come along,’ she said sweetly.

I am not exactly a party dude. I prefer sitting quietly in my own world, maybe a occasional social drinking but nothing more. The house party was a close gathering of friends and family. There she was Shaitania, looking as pretty as ever and she welcomed me pleasantly and then looked at Ketan, ‘Oh… he is here too.’ Yes, she hates Ketan and I think most of the women in the world do.
I just loitered around till the midnight, grabbing at the food items making little conversation and keeping to myself and trying to keep Ketan from opening his mouth. I know, whenever he open its the universe punishes me.
‘Erm….bro,’ said Shaitania as we closed to midnight, ‘How about a tikki?’ She offered me one which also was a eminent sign of the end of world.
And end of world it was…
For the next moment she stretched her hand and scooped out an individual from the crowd and as the smiling face of Shani I mean Sunny,
‘I want you to meet my boy friend, Sunny,’ she smiled.
The universe froze for a moment of awkward silence, I could distinctively remember he uttering the word, ‘Oh boy.’
Shattering the time-space continuum my slap from today afternoon vibrated through air and sent a ripple and the air around his cheeks vibrated as his hand dashed and clutched his cheeks protecting them.
And the whole room jeered unanimously…
‘Happy new year.’

There are few people you meet, some people you do not meet. Some people you meet and wish you never meet them again and then there are some people you meet, and wish you never meet them again and yet you meet them again and again and again and then there are those who are still alive because it is illegal to kill them...



Neha said...

haha....OSSUM...when next?...get it soon...


Anonymous said...

I really loved this one! :)


Siddhesh Kabe said...

Just wait and watch...:D

Siddhesh Kabe said...

Wow thanks..:D

Pramathesh said...


Just a passing thought, provide a pdf version. It becomes easier to read it offline.

Siddhesh Kabe said...

Anyway to do it automatically???

Siddhesh Kabe said...

Dude... PDF version is available...see if it works!!

Shadow said...

so, you accidentally spill something on him???

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